It’s currently 2am and I have lost count of the amount of times I have put my daughter back to bed. I haven’t been to sleep properly myself yet and my head is pounding as hot tears roll down my face. I can’t remember the last time I had a full nights sleep and I feel like I’m walking around in a sleep deprived daze the majority of the time. I just can’t help but feel like I’m failing at this Motherhood lark. Where did I go so wrong?! It’s a horrible feeling and it’s something that’s been consuming me recently and I can’t shake it off.
My daughter is TWO, and she still doesn’t sleep through the night.
There. I said it. And for some reason it feels like because I’ve actually written it down, I’m finally accepting it’s a problem. It’s not something I’m proud of, I’m actually really embarrassed because I know she should have been sleeping through ages ago.
I have made countless excuses for her broken sleep in the last 27 months. ‘Ohh maybe it’s the wind howling, maybe she’s under the weather, maybe she’s thirsty, maybe she’s hungry, maybe she’s scared’… or maybe she’s just not a good sleeper and maybe it’s my bloody fault. Maybe it’s not actually my fault, but I have tried so many different methods now that the only conclusion I can come to is that, at some point, somewhere, I went wrong. After over two years of broken sleep now, I’m so so desperate to resolve this ongoing sleeping saga.
The thing I find most frustrating is it’s not that she can’t sleep through for a good solid 12-13 hours, because believe me, she can, and does, on a regular basis. The issue however, is that she doesn’t do this consistently. I’m tired, Josh is tired and I’m pretttttty sure Bella must be too. Judging by her diva like toddler tantrums she’s been throwing lately.
Nine times out of ten, there are no objections when we put her to bed and she settles herself to sleep pretty quickly, but more often than not, at some point in the night she’ll wake up crying
and/or hysterically screaming and banging on the walls and door. It’s ALWAYS Mummy she wants during the night, which of course it is nice to feel loved but not so much at that time of night thanks Kiddo. It sometimes takes a few minutes to get her back to sleep but it can also take hours, like tonight. When you all have to be up early for work and nursery this is really not ideal.
The topic of baby Lee number 2 has been discussed a lot recently. But quite frankly the thought of pregnancy fatigue and the dreaded morning sickness on a broken nights sleep is enough to make me want to gauge out my own eyeballs, because lets be honest, it would be pretty similar.
Then of course there is the thought of having not one, but two kids waking us up in the night. N o t h a n k y o u . So until we get the child we already have sleeping well, we are in no rush whatsoever to add anymore into the equation.
We said goodbye to her afternoon nap just after Christmas in the hope it would help but sadly it hasn’t. Although now if she does have a nap, it makes matters a lot worse.
We’ve been using a Gro Clock for almost two weeks now which she definitely understands the concept of but it doesn’t seem to be making much difference, regardless of how many times I say ‘you need to stay in bed until the sun comes up’.
If any fellow Mama’s out there have any advice, tips or useful information then please please please help this sleep deprived Mama out. Like I said, I really am desperate now.