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From The Heart

  • InBella

    ‘And Though She Be But Little, She Is Fierce’

    I’ve having one of those weeks where I am most certainly do not feel like I am winning at Motherhood. My washing pile doesn’t seem to be going down, I have overslept twice this week and my darling daughter is testing every ounce of my patience and oh my god is it draining. It took her over two hours to finally decide that she would eat her dinner last night.

    TWO.FRIGGING.HOURS.

    I ended up missing my exercise class because of her dinnertime shenanigans and I was pretty hacked off about it all and so ready for her bedtime. But no, it didn’t stop there.  She then decided that she didn’t want to go to sleep either. And so fought that for probably another hour. When I told her that she was being naughty she replied with ‘but I want to be naughty’ I mean seeeeeeeriously kid!? Oh and this was after being a complete whinge bag all afternoon of course. She’s had epic meltdowns to the point that she wets herself for the last two consecutive days and I’m so over washing urine soaked clothes. SO OVER IT.

    Bella is ridiculously strong willed with absolutely everything. Sure, she’s always been a feisty little madam, but the older she gets the more determined she becomes. If she decides she doesn’t want to do something, it will take you some serious negotiation skills and nine times out of ten; bribery to get her to change her mind. She does not give in easily and will keep pushing until normally it all ends it tears… and sometimes those tears are mine!

    Being strong willed is not a bad trait to have by any means, it of course has many positives. Like, for example, when she’s trying to learn something new, she will persevere until she cracks it. Because most of the time, she just will not give in. She’s now a PRO at colouring in between the lines, yet if she accidentally colours outside those lines… she’s not going to happy be about it.

    A lot of the time she really is the most wonderful little girl to be around, she is funny and caring and she genuinely loves life most of the time. But if she’s in one of *those* moods and something upsets her, god forbid if you suggest it might be almost bed time or that she needs to actually eat a meal, then god help you. Well, me.

    I was only saying the other day that the so called ‘Terrible Twos’ haven’t been half as bad as I’d expected. But I wonder if maybe the ‘Threenager’ attitude may have arrived a month or so early and I genuinely fear for my mental stability if this is a taster of what’s to come!

    I said to my husband last night when we fiiiinally sat down to eat our dinner; ‘How is it possible to love someone SO much even though they drive you bat shit crazy some days?!’ Of course, he didn’t know the answer. But if anyone else does, please do let me know 😉

    Because that’s the thing with Motherhood isn’t it? They can drive you do the brink of insanity but at the same time you love them so much it hurts. 

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    Is this not just the cheekiest face you ever did see!!? 😉 

    Harriet XO

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  • InBella, Mama

    ‘Hold Her A Little Longer’

    I first started drafting this post a couple of nights ago when my emotions were running high after a two hour battle to get Bella to sleep. No matter what we tried she was having none of it and was just generally being a bit of a madam. Eventually I shouted at her, like really shouted at her and told her to stop messing around and to just go.to.sleep. I instantly regretted it, the Mum guilt hit me like a tonne of bricks and of course I then felt bloody awful which resulted in me bursting into tears myself. Oh the dramaaaaaa. So this post was going to be all about how tough I have been finding Motherhood lately.

    But then today happened. I heard some really sad news. A local personal trainer and his wife tragically lost their three year old son this morning after he had a seizure last night. I don’t know them personally and I don’t know all the details but I don’t need to. My heart literally broke for this family when I heard the news, I felt physically sick and I could feel hot tears stinging in my eyes.

    Three years old. Just three.years.old.

    I can’t even comprehend what this family is going through right now, but my heart aches for them.

    Life can be so cruel and so so unfair.

    The world is such a scary place lately, with so much tragedy and way too much heartbreak. But things like this, so close to home too, really put it all into perspective. Motherhood IS hard. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wouldn’t trade a single second with my girl for anything. She drives me absolutely bonkers some days but my god I love her more than I ever knew was even possible and every day spent with her is a blessing.

    Tonight I laid in her bed and held her a little longer, cuddled her a little tighter and made sure she knew just how much I love her.

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    ‘Hold her a little longer, rock her a little more, read her another story; you’ve only read her four, let her sleep on your shoulder, rejoice in her happy smile, she is only a little girl for such a little while’

    XO

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  • InMama

    Toddler Tantrums & Toothpaste Kisses

    I’m not afraid to admit that Motherhood is not always a walk in the park (literally). When you become a parent you have to become completely selfless whether you like it or not. You don’t get ‘days off’ from being a Mama. It’s all consuming and sometimes it’s quite frankly draining. Of course I can’t deny that it’s the most rewarding job in the whole world but some days aren’t easy.

    Some days are good but some days are bad and some days you just need to write off all together and start again tomorrow. And that’s okay.

    Today (Sunday) was a ‘combination of all of the above’ kind of day. It was lovely but it started off rocky when Bella played up when we went out for a family breakfast with my dad, my sister and her family. She didn’t want to eat but she didn’t want to sit nicely either. She wanted to explore and let me tell you it was bloody hard work trying to stop her running riot in a busy garden centre.

    We then went and chose our tree which was all fine apart from the fact she point blank REFUSED to have her photo taken with me in front of the Christmas trees. The outtakes Josh took were highly amusing…Not.

    Bella helped decorate the tree nicely in between playing with her play doh at the dining table all whilst not so sneakily scoffing countless chocolates and dancing very cutely along to Christmas songs. Success.

    However, dinner was a complete and utter shitshow. This ‘phase’ of not eating much is starting to wear me down big time. It’s either one extreme or the other, she’ll either clear her plate and ask for pudding or barely eat a thing.  But of course she’ll eat absolutely anything and everything they give her at Nursery. SO.FRUSTRATING. Eventually we came to a compromise and she did eat half of her meal followed by a yoghurt.

    By this point we needed some quiet time so we finished the day with a lush bubble bath (for her, not me unfortunately!) and the devil child that was screaming the place down ten minutes previous was replaced with the sweetest little curly haired girl you’d ever met. Do you ever wonder if your kid’s trying to push you into an early midlife crisis? I bloody well do almost every single day.

    Bella was so sweet at bath time, splashing about in the warm pink bubbles and giggling away as we played peek a boo over the side of the bath. I quickly forgot about the dinner time dramas and grabbed my camera which she loved posing in front of and pulling her best ‘cheeeese’ face for.

    When it was time to get out I was fully expecting a minor meltdown and a few ‘no waaaaaaayyyy’s but surprisingly she happily obliged, we brushed her teeth and got ready for bed. Her infectious giggling continued as we headed upstairs and sat on the floor together to read a few bed time stories.

    She clambered all over me, wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing me tight. She held my face so gently while smothering me with countless toothpaste kisses before I eventually tucked the crazy little whirlwind into bed. As I leant in and kissed her goodnight, she blew me a million kisses and I thought my heart may just fly out of my chest. I left her bedroom holding back big fat happy tears.

    Yes, it’s hard, and of course it’s testing at times but my god it’s always so worth it. For those little moments that make your Mama heart actually hurt because you didn’t know it was even possible to love someone so small so very much.

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